The first week of the 2004 election on the campaign trail with Mark Latham was much like the Opposition leader's personality - erratic. Large periods of time standing around not knowing what was going on. Announcements scheduled but no rooms booked for engagements.
Labor's campaign in 2013 has many of the same hallmarks. The reason may well be the same. In 2004, there was a fundamental disconnect between Latham's traveling party and Labor HQ. A similar thing seems to be happening again between Rudd and the party machine, although campaign insiders say the communication with the Rudd camp is reasonable.
By contrast, the Liberal campaign is a military operation. Planning for this campaign started soon after the last and the day by day schedule has been nailed down months in advance.
Last week, the theme was about tax - carbon tax and lower corporate tax. This week, seems to be about infrastructure. But things can't always go to plan.
Monday's campaign event is at Vic Roads operation room as a backdrop for an announcement on infrastructure and traffic congestion.
It's in the safe Liberal seat of Kooyong. The seat holder Josh Frydenberg is not there but no doubt he'll write an OpEd about it soon.
Abbott strides into the control room sticking out his large mitt to the workers - "Tony Abbott how are ya."
At the front of the room huge screens display the morning traffic. Abbott positions himself under the screens for the cameras waving airily up at the images. Click click.
"It's an amazingly sophisticated system," he says grasping for something to say.
In campaign engagements like this it's hard making meaningful small talk, especially when you forget your host's name as Abbott does on this occasion. But he tries his best, murmuring appreciatively again and again, "sophisticated system" as he is briefed on the morning traffic.
Unfortunately, traffic isn't what it should be on Monday morning, especially when the Liberal announcement is about reducing traffic congestion. Up the back of the room Vic Roads staff fret that traffic is moving too well.
"It is ridiculously good. What are the chances," says one.
Small talk over, Abbott strides out of the room pausing only photo opportunity for when spotting an Indian face.
He disappears for half an hour with staff to get his lines right for the ensuing press conference. Journos brainstorm questions for the presser.
When Abbott re-emerges its a fairly standard press conference - questions about Rudd's use of notes, opinion polls and GST. It's hard to find something to say about an election which is increasingly about nothing.
Journos jostle and shout to get a question in. Our editors are back home watching the vision, marking us on our impertinence, our questions and the volume of our voices.
I want to be the infrastructure PM, Abbott declares. He's got the grab for the nightly news.
One of Abbott's flacks collars me and complains my story in the morning paper is wrong.
I politely suggest that he fuck off and ask him to tell me what is wrong. He clearly hasn't read the story so he shakes his head and says "it's just wrong alright".
A quick coffee and then it is out to Liberal function in the seat of Deakin to launch the campaign of nice looking but bland tax lawyer, Michael Sukkar. He's a Liberal candidate from central casting. We are assured his name is pronounced "Sew-ker" and not "Sucker". Possibly he's both.
Abbott's entrance is greeted with loud cheers. But funnily enough when he drops his clanger "the suppository" of all wisdom, there is not a murmur. Just a few uncomfortable shuffles.
Gold. The pack loves it. There's the story for a day earlier shaping as a news desert.
"The headline should be Abbott gives bum steer," reports the News Ltd journo to her newsroom late.
My news room as well wants me to make sure I get suppository into the lead of my story, even though we all know that by the morning readers will have heard the gag a million times already. Nevertheless, arse jokes are the kind that keep on giving.
Who knows what was going through Abbott's mind when he said it. Perhaps it a case of when your head is stuck up your arse for so long, it colours your views. Someone on Twitter suggested the anal fixation is a Catholic thing.
However, I have a sneaking suspicion it was a case of impish humour on Abbott's part. The consumate public speaker, Abbott choses his words for effect. Just before delivering the gaffe there was an imperceptible pause. For a politician seen as robotic, perhaps such gaffes are intended to have a humanising effect.
Campaign event over, there's yet more standing around. There's campaign merch to peruse for the interested - the China mining boom is over but there's plenty of clothing to be made for campaign launches like this.
The few journos who still smoke, nick off for a furtive puff. In campaigns gone by much of the bus would be having a ciggie. These days it is a handful and they are forced to keep their increasingly expensive addiction out of sight.
Back on the bus we flee back into Melbourne CBD to the safe environs of Collingwood. The posters of Adam Bandt
and a bookstore advertising books by David Marr and Laura Tingle warm the hearts of inner-city dwelling journos such as myself after a morning in the burbs.
One of the camos is a local and directs the pack to a local burger bar for lunch - a cafe in honour of the Cosby Show - Huxtables. It's greasy inner city burger fare. Nick Cater eat your heart out.
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